Understanding Corpspeak

Understanding Corpspeak

For all you college grads or anyone who is just entering the corporate world, this article is for you.

Those of us who work in the corporate world for any length of time have become very fluent in corpspeak. We can speak and understand the language. However, for those who are new to this work ecosystem you should be familiar with some shared corpspeak terms and what they average. Herewith are some shared corpspeak terms along with their actual meaning.

“I’ll get back to you.” Meaning: “I don’t know the answer. I’ll blow you off for a week and hopefully you’ll just forget about it.”

“My computer is slow today” Meaning: “Between Facebook,Twitter, YouTube and porn, I have so many websites open I can’t find the file you’re looking for.”

“With all due respect..” Meaning: “Get ready because I’m about to say something very disrespectful to you.”

“I’ll shoot you an email.” Meaning: ” I have no idea what you’re talking about. Let me hang up and I’ll try and figure out the answer.”

“Just a quick follow-up…” Meaning: “It’s been three weeks since I asked you about that. You said you would get back to me.”

” I was in a meeting.” Meaning: ‘I was in the bathroom.”

“I was on a conference call.” Meaning: See “I was in a meeting.”

“I’ll just give you the general strokes.” Meaning: “I was half paying attention to the guy who gave me the answer. I’ll repeat some vague phrases I remember him saying and hopefully that will be enough for you.”

“I don’t want you to reinvent the wheel.” Meaning: ” I don’t care what you have to do, just get me the answer.”

“That number is a moving target.” Meaning: ” For some reason I can’t figure out why we’re off. I know I look really stupid right now.”

“Think outside the box.” Meaning: There is no translation for this phrase. It method absolutely nothing. There is no box that anyone thinks outside of.

Have a good day. Let’s do lunch!

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